It's hard to begin when you've lost track of where you are....

Someone once told me, to ritually and analytically refelct on one's past personal experiences is indication of an unhealthy state of mind, and can only result in melancholia. So just stop it.

Given that this was a shrink telling me this (after relentlessley quizzing me on the past 5 years of my life), I've since remained unconvinced. I mean, of course one should try and not obsess about past happenings - after all, the nature of time itself renders us unable to change these things, and we therefore risk torturing ourselves with frustration, regret and sadness.

And yet.... Sometimes you just need to vent. To look back, ask some questions, ponder a little, and get well and truly fucked off before being able to move on in a healthy fashion. I guess my problem is, I appear to have taken a step back rather than forward and suddenly I find myself in temporal limbo. Is this a year ago? Did the past year even happen? Was it all a dream?

At what point should I force myself to admit that perhaps this regression is not the healthiest thing I have ever done? That in fact, these backward shufflings are probably undoing all the good that I've strived so hard to do. Negating all the pep-talks, the self-assurances, mini high fives and pats on the back for just being so goddamned tuff?

Or was it simply inevitable that I would revisit this territory? A given that we would find our way back, because, somehow it never truly ended. And in fact, this past year was a black hole, a blip in time, and this isn't a new beginning after all, just a continuation of what started three years ago...

It never ended, y'see?
That whole time, it never ended.